I'm slowly working my way through the query onslaught after last week's post. The creativity and dedication of writers never ceases to amaze me, so thank you to everyone who submitted their query for critique. Since I tend to be direct and have been giving a lot o' feedback on the queries so far, I was a little worried about upsetting people. Instead, I've been inundated with amazing emails of gratitude and kindness. You all blow me away. I need to give a special shout-out to the awesome TIANA SMITH, who put the tabs and follow buttons on my blog for me...even before I sent her the critique! NOTE: I haven't actually added content to the tabs yet, which is next on my list, but they are THERE and they are PRETTY!
Okay, after reading a bunch of queries, a few common things stood out so I thought I'd give some general query tips. NOTE: None of these examples are from actual queries sent to me--they are my own creations, but you get idea.
1) Avoid cliche terms. e.g. "When 'x' happens, his world turns upside down." Anyone's world 'crumbling,' 'falling to pieces,' etc. is cliche. Be specific as to what happens.
Better: "When the space monkey lands in Evan's bedroom and injects him with a strange substance, Evan must find a cure within twenty-four hours or he will become a monkey himself."
(Does Evan's world "turn upside down?" Hell, yes, but an agent is going to be way more interested in something specific like this--unless they hate space monkeys, in which case you don't want them as an agent anyway.)
2) Start with the hook. DON'T START with something like, "This book is about love and loss, family and betrayal, beginnings and endings." You've just described approximately 50 bazillion books, and the agent will already be moving on. Start with a one-sentence killer hook about what your book is about. See space monkey example above.
3) Avoid questions when possible. You don't want the agent to answer your questions in a way that doesn't benefit you. e.g. Will the heroine save the world in time from the onslaught of possessed elves? Potential agent response: I'm guessing so or you wouldn't have written the book. Granted, that might just be my response because I'm sarcastic by nature, but still. You want the agent to read the last line of the query and think, "Holy hell. I must get my hands on this book NOW!" The best way to end the query IMHO, is to finish with the highest stakes possible. What is the worst thing that will happen to the MC or to their world, if they do not overcome their obstacle?
Better: "Sakahara must defeat the army of possessed elves before they enslave all humanity and harvest their pets for food."
4) Follow the agent's submission guidelines. I figured that people wouldn't be as formal sending their query to me as they would to an agent, but I was a little surprised by the number of people who didn't follow the guidelines (not attaching the query as requested, using a different format than requested, etc.) For me, it doesn't matter. I'm critiquing all of them because I'm nice like that, but if you're submitting queries to agents--FOLLOW THEIR GUIDELINES! It's not that agents aren't nice (in fact, most of them are quite lovely), it's that they're incredibly busy. Also, you don't want them to think that you can't (or won't) follow directions, because they are considering you for a long-term business relationship. Yes, many of them have different guidelines, so you will have to do your research, but it's worth it in the end.
So, those are my query tips thus far.Feel free to add your own tips in the comments below. I hope to finish up all critiques within the next week. Also, this query critique thing got such an amazing response that I will make it a regular thing on the blog in some fashion. Thanks again for participating!