Wednesday, December 30, 2009

When it seems to almost appear as if...

Recently I read a really good book. Really good! It was full of action, adventure, drama, suspense, and emotion, and it was also full of one of my pet peeves. The dreaded uncertainty that is seemed like, appeared as if, almost.

You know what I'm talking about. One character says to the MC, "I hate you!" and the MC's inner monologue says "He punched the wall, as if he was angry." Really? It was like he was angry, but you're not sure if that was it? Maybe he just likes punching walls? Maybe wall-punching means happiness?

This occasionally drives me insane.

I notice this happens most often in books written in close third person. I think it's because when writing in first person it's easier to slip into the character's distinct point of view and feel what they're feeling.

Think about it. In your own life, if someone shouts at you "I hate you!" and then punches a wall, you have a strong instant reaction. You don't think to yourself, "I wonder if he's angry?" You think, "Whoa, this dude is pissed!" Even if you're wrong, and he does just like to punch walls for no reason, you have interpreted his words and actions and made a decision on what they mean.

Characters are like this too. They jump to conclusions. They reason out why things are happening. I know that, especially in third person, there's a fine line between staying in one character's close POV and crossing into another's. This is where the trouble starts. Writers worry that if they say too much about what is happening, or how someone is feeling that they are switching POVs or crossing over into omniscience. I say, HOGWASH!

While it's true that unless your main character is a mind reader, he can't know what others are thinking. He can definitely take an educated guess or decide for himself how to interpret what he sees. When I see a lot of this in a manuscript I'm critiquing, I always write "Be authoritative!" and "Either it happened or it didn't. Which is it?"

Don't tell me "It seemed like the door opened all by itself." When I see this type of sentence structure, I expect a "but". As in "It seemed like the door opened all by itself, but it was just the cat leaning against it." When you leave the sentence as "It seemed like the door opened all by itself." and the character doesn't do any exploring to find out how it actually did open, I'm left wondering, did the door open by itself or not? You know whether it did or not, why not share? Your character, having witnessed this event, should have come to a decision about whether or not the door opened on it's own - even if it's the wrong answer. And if your character really can't tell if it opened by itself or not, then he needs to try and find out why (or run away in terror, whichever he's more prone to do).

I may be in the minority here, but I think it's best for your character to see things through his own world view and save the uncertainty for when he really doesn't know what's going on. If you stay focused and true to your character's personality and voice, it should be clear, even in third person, that what he sees happening is what he thinks is happening, and not absolute fact. To me this is one of the best things about telling a story through one person's eyes. Each character has a unique way of seeing things. What one character thinks is evil spirits haunting his house, another thinks is just the wind. Find out what it really is is what storytelling is all about!


  1. Great post, Valerie! The first time you critiqued my MS, you were probably, almost banging your head against the keys.


  2. Thanks Lacey! I sure hope it didn't seem as if I was almost banging my head in the comments! Because I wasn't!

  3. Oh Valerie - as you know, I was up past midnight last night fixing this issue. I still have miles to go but appreciate the head-banging you went though reading my ms - I feel almost as if I seem to appear to be getting close to the finish line :)

  4. Well, I certainly hope my second time around in February will be easier on you all.

  5. Kristi - I honestly didn't notice very much of this in your ms! In the book I'm talking about, it happened every single time the MC looked at something or listened to someone. It got to be one of the only things I noticed when reading.

    Lacey - I'm really looking forward to February! Do we have someone signed up for January?

  6. Lisa had some computer trouble and the repair man wiped out her MS office and refused to reimburse her for it.

    As far as I know, she is still planning to submit a full MS in January.

  7. Oh no! That's awful! It sounds like she didn't lose her ms though, that's good!

    Also um, if it turns out that nobody's going to go, I would love to get my nano project (it's full length) out there. Just sayin'...

  8. If something comes up, I'll let you know.

    I won't be ready with a complete until February. I'm nearing the end on this rewrite, but I wanted to comb back over it one more time before I sent it to you all.

  9. Oh, I do that *all* the time. I really have to watch out for those.

    One thing I did, was use Wordle to figure out which phrases like that I overused (I overuse "as if" more than "seemed like" but it's the same concept), then made all those instances bold, red, and underlined using Word. After printing, and seeing the huge, bold phrases over and over again on page after page, I was really able to cut them down.

  10. Beth - I didn't know about the Wordle thing so I'm definitely going to try that!

  11. Beth - I love Wordle! I used it every week during NaNo to see what words were coming up the most in my book. What a great idea about changing the color on all the overused phrases so I can spot them easily and change them!


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